Azumanga Daioh Flour Babies
by Kawaii-Chibi-Lady
Summary: Due to the fact that Yukari does not fully comprehend that she is the ENGLISH teacher, the cast of AzuManga Daioh have to take care of bags of flour as if they were children! Read as the girls try everything to protect their "bundles of joyeous flour!"
1. New Assignment

"Okay class! I have a wonderful assignment for today!" said Ms. Yukari. "I will be giving you each a sack of flour and it will be your child!" She looks around the class room to blank faces. "It's a flour baby, you know you treat it like a kid, make sure child services don't take it away, the works!" As she passed the sacks around the room the gang struck up a conversation.  
  
"I've always wanted a little kid to take care of!" said Kagura.  
  
"Why don't you ask Mr. Kimura, I'm sure he'll be more than happy to fulfill your wish!" Tomo snickered. FWAP "OW!"  
  
Ms. Yukari gave them each their "babies" and went back to the front of the classroom.  
  
"As you can see there is a sticker on each of your baking supply bags." Chiyo raised her hand.  
  
"But I thought they were babies!"  
  
"Right, babies. Any way your "babies" have a sticker on them, pink means it's a girl, blue means it's a boy! There is also a sticker that says: 'HELLO MY NAME IS' on it. That is where you put the name of your "baby." Any Questions? Osaka raised her hand.  
  
"Ms. Yukari, my sticker is black and white and has numbers below it. Does that mean I get to pick if it's a boy or girl?" she asked puzzled. Ms. Yukari rubbed her head.  
  
"No, Osaka. That's the barcode. Now if there are no more questions please name your baby. Oh, and might I add Yukari Jr. is a wonderful name! Tee-hee! But if you name her Nyamo I'll fail you! Tee-hee! sudden change of seriousness I'm not kidding."  
  
"So what should we name them?" asked Yomi.  
  
"How about...Bessie?!" said Osaka with serious thought.  
  
General look of shock  
  
"But Osaka your baby is a boy! Why don't you name him Carl? Or Ralph?" said Chiyo.  
  
"No, I like Bessie." All-around sweat drop  
  
(AN: Sorry it's so short! I'm working on another story right now!) 


	2. Baby Slumber Party

The next day Chiyo was talking to the gang about a baby shower, slumber party, type thingy.  
  
"So I was thinking you guys could come to my house and we could have a party and help each other with our babies!"  
  
"That's a great idea Chiyo!" said Tomo.  
  
"Gee, thanks!"  
  
"And if we get bored with them we can punch the stuffing out of them!" Tomo added.  
  
Chiyo: OO  
  
Everyone was at Chiyo's house sitting on their little pillows as usual talking about their babies. (Ok, the last part isn't so usual...)  
  
"What did you name you babies everyone?" asked Osaka.  
  
"I named my little boy Tachi, after Mr. Tadakichi." said Chiyo.  
  
"I named my little girl Kenda, for no particular reason." said Kagura.  
  
"I named my little girl Shyani." said Yomi.  
  
"I named my little boy Jariku." said Sakaki.  
  
"I named my little girl Kagura!" said Tomo.  
  
"Aww... that was nice of you! Naming it after Kagura!" said Chiyo.  
  
"Yeah, since I hate my kid, it makes perfect sense!" said Tomo. FWAP "OW!"  
  
"Anyway, let the baby slumber party commence! said Chiyo.  
  
After talking for a while they decided to dress up their little bundles of joyous flour, and buy them outfits at the mall.  
  
"So, I made cookies for everyone!" said Chiyo. Chiyo handed out the cookies to everyone to enjoy. Of course Yomi said she didn't want one.  
  
"Uhh... Chiyo, why do the cookies look like diapers?" asked Sakaki.  
  
"I thought I'd keep a theme to the party!" she replied. "I'm gonna go make a cake for us. Do you want to help me Osaka?"  
  
"Yeah, sure!" she said.  
  
In the kitchen there was two aprons, Chiyo's with the flowers, and a spare one with a cow on it. Chiyo gave the spare to Osaka.  
  
"He-he, MOOOO!!!" laughed Osaka. "Look Chiyo, it says MOO on it! That's HILARIOUS!!!"  
  
"Oh, uh, yep! I'm gonna get the ingredients together. How about you wash your hands." Chiyo got the ingredients and Osaka washed her hands.  
  
"Hmm... the flour can is empty. Osaka, could you measure four cups of flour from the new flour bag that's on the counter?" Osaka quickly obeyed.  
  
"Here you go!" she said eager to help.  
  
Chiyo quickly mixed the cake and put it in the oven.  
  
"Let's go back to the other room Osaka!" In the other room the four remaining girls were talking about the ups and downs of being a single parent.  
  
"Hi guys, we're back! The cake is in the oven!" said Osaka.  
  
"What do you guys want to do now?" asked Chiyo.  
  
"Lets have a pillow fight!" Osaka said. She looked around the room not noticing the one she's sitting on. "TAH-HAH!!!" She picked up her "baby" and started swinging it around.  
  
"OSAKA, YOUR SWINGING YOUR BABY AT US!!!" yelled Chiyo.  
  
"THAT'S RIGHT! I'M GONNA SWING IT! I'M GONNA SWING IT ALL DAY! AHHH-HHAAA!!!" She threw her baby and it burst open. POUF Osaka looked around the room, seeing everyone covered with flour.  
  
"Well, it looks like we have to get Osaka a new "Bessie." said Yomi.  
  
"Fuhgedboutit." said Osaka. DING  
  
"Oh, my cake is done!" yelled Chiyo. She ran to the kitchen and iced and sliced (Hee-hee, that rhymed!) the cake. She brought everyone a piece and they sat down to enjoy. And even Yomi had a piece!  
  
"Yum, this is good!" said Sakaki.  
  
"Yeah, Chiyo you did a bang-up job!"  
  
"Thanks, it is pretty good." she said. "Oh, I left Tachi in the kitchen!" She ran to get Tachi. " . . . . . . . . . AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
Everyone ran into the kitchen.  
  
"Chiyo what's wrong?!" yelled Yomi. Chiyo was on the floor in a sobbing shock.  
  
"My baby!"  
  
"What?" asked Kagura. Chiyo let out a wail and pointed to the counter. There lay Tachi ripped open with a measuring cup by him.  
  
"Someone took flour from your kid?" asked Tomo. Chiyo nodded.  
  
"It must have been when..." Chiyo looked at Osaka. "Osaka, which bag of flour did you use when I told you to give me four cups of flour?"  
  
"That one!" she pointed at Tachi.  
  
"You made my, my BABY!?!"  
  
"Fuhgedboutit." Osaka said.  
  
"AAHH-EEEHHH!!!" Chiyo ran towards Osaka about to throw cake in her face, then she looked at the cake and started crying.  
  
"Well, it looks like we need two new babies." said Kagura.  
  
"Wait... we ATE my baby! I think I'm gonna be sick!" Chiyo ran two the bathroom where you could here the toilet rapidly flushing.  
  
(AN: There this capter is a little longer! ) 


	3. At the Mall

The next day they went to the mall to buy their babies cute little outfits.  
  
"Hey Chiyo are you still mad at me?" asked Osaka.  
  
"No, Osaka. But you and I need to get new babies, ok?"  
  
"Okay! But can I still name him Bessie?" sweat drop  
  
Everyone headed to BABY EMPORIUM and went inside. There was baby stuff everywhere!  
  
"Wow, this place is huge!" said Yomi.  
  
"Yeah, everyone meet back here in ten minutes so we don't get lost." said Sakaki. Everyone scattered to find the cutest outfit for their own child.  
  
WITH SAKAKI  
  
'What should I get for Jariku?' she thought. She wandered a bit then saw a cute little outfit. It was a blue Jean bib overalls with a green shirt. On the bib was a cat playing soccer. 'That one is perfect!' She grabbed it and headed back to the front of the store.  
  
WITH YOMI  
  
Yomi picked up several outfits and put them back. 'I just can't find anything for Shyani!' She kept walking and then found a sweet little outfit. It was a pink dress that had a cupcake on it and said sweet on the butt. 'Perfect! I'll go to the front now and wait for the others. But first I think I'll get a cupcake! Must resist the urge!'  
  
WITH KAGURA  
  
'Hmm... I bet Kenda would like this!' she thought picking up an outfit. 'I bet if they had this in my size it would look so good on me!' The outfit she picked had a bunny on it and it was saying I'M BETTER THAN YOU! 'I bet I picked out the best outfit!'  
  
WITH TOMO  
  
'Hmm... I bet the kid would like this!' she thought picking up an outfit. 'I bet if they had this in my size it would look so good on me!' The outfit she picked also had a bunny on it and it was saying I'M BETTER THAN YOU! 'I bet I picked out the best outfit!' (Uh-oh!)  
  
WITH OSAKA  
  
Osaka walked around the store looking at everything. 'Would Bessie like this?' she thought picking something up. 'No, that would make him girly! Bessie deserves a tough, manly outfit!' Then she saw one she liked. 'This one is perfect!' She held up a Batman outfit. 'Oh, yeah!' And she skipped off to the front of the store.  
  
WITH CHIYO  
  
'Hmm... I really want a good grade! I better pick something good.' She walked a bit farther then saw a lab coat and glasses. 'Perfect now Tachi will look really smart!' And she ran off to pay for her outfit.  
  
Everyone met at the front of the store. They were all really excited to show each other what they got for their babies.  
  
"Okay, everyone hold up their outfits at the same time!" said Chiyo.  
  
"One, two, three!" Everyone yelled and held up their outfits.  
  
"Oh wow I like yours!"  
  
"Thanks! I like yours to!"  
  
"Oh how cute!"  
  
"I love it!" Everyone said. Except for Kagura and Tomo who were gaping at each other.  
  
"Uh-oh!" said Chiyo.  
  
"YOU STALKING COPYCAT PUT YOURS BACK!" yelled Kagura.  
  
"NO WAY! THIS SHIRT FITS MY KID BETTER ANYWAY!" Tomo yelled back.  
  
"WELL, I'M NOT PUTTING MINE BACK!"  
  
"ME EITHER!"  
  
Everyone walked to the check out lane and paid. Both Kagura and Tomo grabbed a fabric pen on the way out, both planning on a small change to the shirts.  
  
Outside the store they decided to get some smoothies.  
  
"Hey Chiyo, Osaka, and Tomo stay here and watch the kids and we'll get the smoothies!" said Yomi.  
  
"Okay." said Chiyo. Everyone set their shopping bags and babies on a bench and three of them left. While they were waiting for them to come back Kaorin walked up.  
  
"Hey guys, is Sakaki here?' she asked.  
  
"She just left Kaorin." said Chiyo. Then she noticed Kaorin had a bag of flour. "Hey, you got a flour baby too!"  
  
"Oh, uh, yeah.  
  
"And it looks just like Sakaki's baby!" said Osaka.  
  
"Yeah, I'm a big fan of Sakaki's flour baby. Really, I'm just a fan. Sakaki's was just sitting here, I picked it up..."  
  
"Give me that!" said Tomo. Tomo took the baby and sat down. "That kid really is a freak." 


	4. Another Problem or Two

After finishing their smoothies everyone headed back to Chiyo's house. Once they all got there they sat down to discuss their "projects."

"Okay, let's not put the outfits on the babies until right before we give them back to Ms. Yukari." said Chiyo.

"So when are you and Osaka gonna get your new babies?" Tomo asked Chiyo.

"Later tonight. Do you guys need anything for your babies? If you do you can come along!" said Chiyo.

"I don't think we need anything, Chiyo. After all we still have our kids." said Tomo smugly.

"Really?" asked Osaka.

"Duh!" said Tomo holding Kagura (The baby! you perverts!) "Man taking care of a kid is hard work! I wish I didn't have to! But I'm such a good parent!" said Tomo even more smugly. Osaka walked over to Tomo, picked up Kagura and walked to the window.

"Osaka, what are you doing?" asked Chiyo.

"Doing something that I saw on the news." she said opening the window.

"And what would that be?" asked Sakaki.

"Some guy named Michael Jordan, or was it Jackson?"

"MICHAEL JACKSON!!!" everyone yelled as Osaka held the baby upside down over the window sill. Tomo ran to get Lil Kagura, but Osaka accidentally let go.

"Oops." said Osaka. Everyone ran to the window and looked down. Chiyo's walkway looked like someone painted it white.

"Looks like we'll need three babies." Sakaki told Yomi.

"YOU KNOW JACKSON DIDN'T ACTUALLY DROP HIS KID!!!" yelled Tomo.

"Fuhgedboutit." said Osaka and she moon walked back to her seat.

"WHY...YOU..." Tomo ran towards Osaka with a small glass vase.

"AHHHHHH!" yelled Osaka.

"No! That was a present from my Grandma!" yelled Chiyo. CRASH "Well it was..." Osaka was lying on the floor with a giant bump on her head. Tomo brushed herself off and said,

"Actually, Chiyo I think I will be joining you at the store this evening."

"Well, we can go now!" said Chiyo after cleaning up the mess.

"Good!" said Tomo. "Okay, if we want to fool Ms. Yukari we need the exact brand, the same name tags, and the same blue and pink stickers."

Everyone stared at her suspiously. "What?" asked Tomo.

"Have you done this before?" asked Yomi.

"Oh! Let's walk through the park to get to the store!" said Chiyo. Everyone agreed it was a good idea. While walking through the park they saw a big pond. They all ran over to see the Koi.

"Oh my gosh! Look at the goldfish!" said Osaka. SWEAT DROP

"They're Koi, Osaka." said Chiyo.

"Wow, it's hot!" said Kagura. "I wish we could swim in there." Tomo walked up behind her and tried bumped her in. She just had enough time to keep herself from falling, but Kenda wasn't so lucky. The baby fell into the water and began to sink. "MY BABY!" she yelled. "TOMO YOU BLOCKHEAD!"

"What? You said you wanted to go swimming! Your the one who let your baby fall in! I was just trying to help you!" Tomo said. Kagura ran up behind Tomo and pushed her in.

"If you want to help me, save my baby!" she yelled. Tomo went underwater and held up a soggy bag of flour.

"I GOT HER!"She walked out of the water and was about hand Kenda to Kagura.

"Wow, you're being really calm about this Tomo!" said Chiyo.

"Yeah, I mean Kagura just pushed you into a pond!" said Osaka.

"That's just the kind of person I am!" and she threw the sopping wet Kenda at Kagura. "There you are good as new!" Plop the bottom of Kenda ripped open and wet flour oozed out.

"Make that four." said Sakaki.


	5. Almost to the Store

The group continued on their walked to the store. Tomo was sopping wet and smelled like fish and Kagura had wet flour smeared down the front of her school uniform. They kept walking until they had to stop at a busy intersection.

"Well, this could take a while." said Chiyo. The cars showed no sign of slowing down.

"Chiyo why don't you just fly over there?" asked Osaka.

"WHAT?!?" Everyone asked.

"Yeah, you know just like that one time when...oh wait that was just a dream!"

Everyone except Osaka: ## "Okay..."

"Yeah, I'm just kiding, he, he." .suspious glace at Chiyo's pigtails.

"Look the light changed!" yelled Tomo.

"Hurry before it's too late!" yelled Kagura. Everyone ran into the street hoping to make it before the light changed again. Everything was going fine until Yomi tripped.

"AHH! My foot!" she yelled.

"Yomi get out of the street, quick!" yelled Chiyo. Yomi tried to get up, but she fell again.

"I can't! I think I sprained my ankle!"

"Oh no! The light is turning yellow!" yelled Sakaki.

"Quick! Kagura help me get her outta there!" yelled Chiyo. Chiyo and Kagura ran out to help Yomi. They grabbed her arms and helped her get onto the sidewalk.

"Wow, that was close!" said Chiyo.

"Wait, we left Shyani!" yelled Yomi. It was too late the light turned red and no one noticed the flour bag lying in the middle of the street. "NOOOO!!!" yelled Yomi. Shyani didn't have a chance. As soom as the light turned green a red Corvette ran right over her. But she had her revenge. When the car hit, flour flew everywhere.

"What the!?! I can't see!" yelled the Corvette driver. .screech, screech, bang, crash. There was flour everywhere and a three car pile up.

"My leg!" yelled a pedestian.

"I hope you have insurance!" screamed a on-looker

"What the heck happened?" questioned a vendor..

"All the sudden white powder flew everywhere and no one could see a thing!" replied a jogger.

"MY CAR!!!" the three car owners yelled! "Who cared HOW it happened! Look at WHAT happened!"

"Whoever did this is gonna pay!" promised a cop who just showed up.

Azu Group: o.o Everyone quickly rounded the corner of the street and stopped to catch their breath.

"This is all your fault fatso!" yelled Tomo while pointing at Yomi.

"What did you say!?!"

"That's right! I called you a fatso! If you weren't so fat you would have been able to cross the street just fine! But I guess all that fat makes your ankles all squishy and rubbery, huh?" said Tomo.

"DOUBLE CHOP!!!" Yelled Yomi, and then she karate chopped Tomo on the head.

"She could have been killed! You know it wasn't her fault!" yelled Kagura.

"Yeah Tomo, ya blockhead!" yelled Yomi.

"Wow, I'm getting called that a lot today!" said Tomo.

"Uh, shouldn't we go back there and tell them what happened?" asked Chiyo.

"WHAT! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S BEING A BLOCKHEAD! YOU WANT TO GET US ALL THROWN INTO THE BIG HOUSE!!!" yelled Tomo.

Chiyo: O.O

"WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? DID YOU PUT YOUR PIGTAILS ON TO TIGHT!?!" Tomo yelled again.

"TOMO!" yelled Yomi. Yomi kicked Tomo with her bad foot before she could think.

"WAHHH!!!!" yelled Tomo. .soars into the air and lands in a dumpster ten feet away.

"TOMO!?!" Everyone ran to see if she was alright. They looked into the dumpster where Tomo was lying.

Tomo:

"Tomo get up!" yelled Chiyo.

"Huh, what?" she said and slowly sat up.

"Hey Yomi?" said Sakaki.

"Yeah, what?"

"What foot did you kick Tomo with?" she asked.

"Uh, this....WHAT?!?"

"Hey that's right! She kicked Tomo with her bad foot and then still ran over here!" yelled Chiyo.

"That's incredible!" yelled Kagura.

"So does that make Tomo like a Carpenter?" asked Osaka.

"A what?" everyone asked.

"You know a Carpenter! That kind of doctor that pops your bones back into place." said Osaka.

"You mean a Chiropractor?" asked Chiyo.

"Yeah! That's it! What did I say?" Osaka asked.

.sweatdrop.

"Hey, I like the sound of that! Dr. Tomo!" yelled Tomo jumping out of the dumpster.

.multiple sweatdrops.

AN: Sorry it took me so long to update! I'm having serious writers block, so sorry if this isn't that good! Reviews always help me to write faster, but I haven't gotton any in a while. But to the people who like this story I thank you kindly! (Those of you who reviewed anyway! LOL) Anyway, if you visit my bio page it tells when I'll be updating my stories! Very helpful tool if I do say so myself!


	6. At the Store Finally

AN: Sorry, this chapter is a day late, but my internet wasn't working last night! So anyway school startes this Monday! (TOMORROW!!!) So sorry if I'm late on my stories! Read and Review!

After Tomo cleaned herself off they started off yet again.

"Hey, look! There's Kaorin!" yelled Chiyo. "Hi Kaorin!" Kaorin looked over than smiled when she saw Sakaki. She ran over to meet them.

"Oh, hi guys!" She looked at Sakaki. "Hi Sakaki." she said embarassed.

"Hello." replied Sakaki.

"We're going to the store. Wanna come with us?" asked Chiyo.

"Oh, uh, sure!" yelled Kaorin. They kept walking until they were to the store.

"Hey guys? If this is a super market that means it's better than a market, right?" asked Osaka.

"Uh, yeah I guess so." said Chiyo.

"Why is it better? Is it like a super hero?"

"No, markets are like stores outside were you walk around and buy stuff from townspeople." said Yomi.

"But being outside is suppose to be good for you." said Osaka.

"Yeah, but it's a hassle." said Chiyo.

"Well, if it was a superhero that would be cool." said Osaka.

.sweatdrop.

As they entered the store they saw that they were having a special on the flour they needed.

"What luck!" yelled Chiyo. They continued walking and they saw many people from their homeroom class.

"Hey guys look! There's Koji and Reika. And Haru and Kaito." said Chiyo.

"Why are there so many people from our school here?" asked Kagura.

"I think I know why." said Yomi. They all started running for the flour aisle.

"Oh no! They took all of the brand of flour we need!" yelled Yomi.

"Now what?" asked Sakaki setting her baby down on an empty flour rack.

"What are you complaining about?" asked Tomo. "You still have your kid!"

"Correction. Had your kid." said Yomi. "Some guy from homeroom just took your kid."

"What! That dirty theif!" yelled Kaorin.

"Now what?" asked Chiyo. "We need six bags of a particular brand of flour and they are all out because other people lost or damaged theirs! That's so irresponsible!" said Chiyo.

"What happened to your baby Chiyo?" asked Kaorin.

"She was baked." said Tomo.

"Oh okay...." said Kaorin.

While the rest of the group was chatting about what to do about their problem, Tomo was slowly inching her way to the end of the aisle.

'If I can just grab that bag that's behind the sugar.' she thought. Kagura looked up.

"Hey Blockhead! What are you doing?" asked Kagura. Everyone else looked up now too. Tomo frantically looked around and grabbed the bag.

"You'll never take me alive!" she yelled and ran off.

"Hey, she took the last flour bag!" yelled Yomi.

"Get her!" yelled Kagura. And they all ran after her.

"Get back here!" yelled Osaka running though the Ramen aisle.

"Yeah give me that! You were the one who ruined my kid!" yelled Kagura.

"Never! Ha ha ha!" yelled Tomo. She ran to the check out line and laughed again.

"Tomo, Sakaki deserves that bag!" yelled Kaorin. The cashier lady scanned Tomo's bag.

"$4.95." the cashier said.

"It's too late." said Chiyo. Tomo smiled then reached into her pocket. Then her other pocket.

"Oops." she said. She walked over to Yomi. "Hey Yomi, how about you let me borrow $4.95."

"She doesn't have her money!" yelled Kagura.

"Get her!" yelled Yomi. They all ran for the flour and everyone grabbed a corner. They were all pulling on it and started to rip.

"Wait!" yelled Tomo. "It's ripping!" They all stopped pulling. "Good." said Tomo and she grabbed the bag and started to run.

"Tomo!" yelled Chiyo. They all tackled her and the bag went flying onto another checkout table. The woman paid for her groceries without noticing the flour bag, than grabbed her bags and left.

"Make that six." said Sakaki.

.group groan.

AN: Well there it is! I know it's a little short, but I was busy this week with school starting and what not! Visit my Bio page to see when I'm updating! Ja Ne!


	7. At Nyamo's House

Chapter 7: Meeting at Nyamo's House

AN: Hi everybody! You know those people that are really curious and when they want to know the most trivial thing they stop at nothing to find the answer? Well, I'm one of them. I wanted to know how long it would take me to scooter to my school which is 4 miles away! But like I'm the kind of person that would do that!! Ha ha ha! It took 35 minutes. 30 on the way back. Anyway, I'm in a especially good mood today because I don't have school, my dad brought me the Azumanga Daioh DVD box set, I'm having Ramen tonight, and I got to read Manga all day while my annoying little sister ran amok at Chuck E. Cheeses! Anyway on with the story!

After they left the store Kaorin said she had to go home. She waved goodbye and ran off.

"So what do we do now?" asked Chiyo. They were walking out of the store looking rather defeated.

"I guess we could walk to the store on the other side of town. Or we could ask Miss Yukari or Miss Kurosawa for a ride." said Yomi.

"MISS KUROSAWA! MISS KUROSAWA!" yelled Chiyo.

"Chiyo, was it really that bad riding with Miss Yukari?" asked Kagura.

"Oh, the images...BREAK MISS YUKARI!!! SIGNAL SIGNAL!!! RED MEANS STOP!! Oh, I'm so cold..." said Chiyo. (shudder)

"Okay, I guess Miss Yukari is out!" said Kagura.

"Okay than, off to Miss Kurosawa's house!" yelled Tomo.

"Are you sure this is the place?" asked Sakaki.

"Yep. Let's go." said Tomo. Chiyo was about to knock when Tomo pushed her hand aside. " Pift. Like we need to knock." Tomo opened the door and walked in.

"Hey Nyamo! How about giving us a lift down town?!" yelled Tomo.

"What?!" yelled an elderly voice. The group froze. "Who is it?! Can't ya' see I'm busy!" An old lady with a cane walked out into the entry way. "Ah, selling cookies are ye?"

"Um, I'm sorry Miss, but I think we have the wrong appartment." said Chiyo.

"So you're not selling cookies?" she asked.

"No. We came in here by mistake." said Yomi.

"In that case, get out of here you brutes! Entering an old lady's apartment without permission and what not! If I still had my real leg I'd kick you all outta here!" she yelled. She started swinging her cane around like a mace. "Get out ye scaliwags! Before I sick my parrot on ye! AH HA HA!!!"

"RUN FOR IT!!!" yelled Tomo. They ran as fast as they could out of the house and down the block.

"No need to knock, huh?!" yelled Yomi.

"Accidents happen?" stammered Tomo.

"Tomo, you are such a MORON!!!" yelled Kagura.

"Was that lady a pirate?" asked Osaka.

"WHAT! WERE DID THAT COME FROM!!!" yelled Tomo. "QUICK, EVERYONE YELL AT HER FOR CHANGING THE SUBJECT!"

"Well, she kept saying ye and she said she had a fake leg and a parrot. Sounds pirate material to me." she said.

"How does your mind operate?" asked Yomi. (I know, I stole this from the second book!)

"You know, I really don't know..." she said.

"Hey, we gotta stay focused!" yelled Chiyo. "We gotta get to Miss Kurosawa's house!"

"Oh yeah!" they all yelled.

For the next forty minutes they went door-to-door looking for Nyamo. Some how (unsurprisingly) Tomo managed to offend about half the residents. Finally they found Nyamo's house.

"Hey, guys. What's wrong?" she asked.

"We were wondering if you could give us a ride downtown." said Chiyo. "We had a little problem with our projects for Miss Yukari's class."

"WHAT!?!" Miss Yukari yelled from the background.

"UH-OH!!! BUSTED!!!" they all yelled. Miss Yukari came out of the next room looking a little tipsy.

"Oh good! She's drunk!" yelled Tomo.

"I'm not drunk! Only wolverines and mongooses get drunk. And I'm a badger so there!"

"Oh yeah, she's drunk." said Kagura.

"Anyway, if you have a problem in my class you should come to me! Not this idiot P.E. teacher!"

"SHUT UP!!!" yelled Nyamo.

"You know what? I...I respect you! You know what I'm sayin' dawg." Yukari started to sway back and forth.

"Miss Yukari you should sit down!" yelled Chiyo. Chiyo pushed Miss Yukari into a chair and told her that they came to get a ride down town.

"Well then I'll take ya'!" yelled Yukari.

(general looks of horror)

"Uh, but you're drunk." said Sakaki. Only Tomo and Chiyo experienced riding with Yukari, and the others didn't wanna be afraid to drive until they were 40.

"LOOK WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS!!! I'M BADGER DARNIT! NO ONE TELLS ME WHAT TO DO!!!"

"Looks like we're riding with Yukari." said Sakaki.

"So... cold..." said Chiyo.

AN: Well, I hope you like this chapter! I put a little more work into this one! I'm working really hard on my other story Inu Chibis, since a lot of people like that one! You should check it out! There is a big surprise in the next chapter. The more reviews I get the better I'll make the surpise, so make sure you review!!! See ya' next week!


	8. The Drunken Rage and a Side of Hot Wings

AN: All right, I know it's been about 2 ½ years since I have written, but look at it this way…before I was in 9th grade and now I'm in 11th so my grammar, writing skills, and typing speed are all up! Hopefully this means fewer errors, less revision time, a more interesting story, and quicker chapters! I'm sorry it has taken so long for me to write, but things are busy…however my boyfriend is currently working, it's a Friday night, and I have a caffeine-filled beverage!!! I got a nice little review from a fan just a couple days ago (you know who you are!) and it was such an uplifting notion, I'M GOING TO WRITE AGAIN!!! Enough with this little soliloquy, on to the story!!!

Chapter 8: The Drunken Rage and a Side of Hot wings !!!

"Oh, come on guys," started Yomi, "It can't be that bad riding with Yukari!" Just then Yukari tramped down the stairs and lost her balance and fell flat on her face.

"We're going to die, aren't we?" asked a startled Chiyo-chan. "Just like in the TV commercials! We're going to be traveling along when suddenly she'll run a red light and…" Chiyo had tears streaming down her face. "Don't drink and drive…DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!!!" Tomo ran up and smacked Chiyo on the back.

"Don't worry about it Chiyo-chan…just think of it as a roller coaster ride and it's not so scary!" Chiyo started to calm down when Tomo added, "Yeah, just think of it as a roller coaster ride…except there will be other cars that aren't on tracks and neither are we and it's quite possible that we could hurl ourselves into the never ending darkness of a comatose oblivion!!!" Tomo finished with her first hurled proudly into the air.

(universal sweat drop)

"I think I'm going to be sick…" said Chiyo, running for a trashcan. As they all stared at Chiyo yakking up in the trash bin, Sakaki proceeded to poke Yukari with a curious finger.

"Hey, guys?" Sakaki said. "You think we should wake her up?" They all glanced over. Osaka approached their unconscious English teacher.

"She smells like my Grandma after she eats too many mustard and banana sandwiches…" Osaka said.

(universal sweat drop)

"And you know this how?" asked Yomi.

"I'm not really sure, I don't even have a Grandma!" Osaka said with a smile.

After offering Yukari an imaginary plate of hot wings, she finally became somewhat conscious. (Well, as conscious as a drunken English teacher can be)

"Gimme some of them hot wings!" she groaned.

"Miss Yukari, there are no hot wings…we just said that to wake you up." Said Kagura.

"Nonsense!" I can smell 'em!" She stood on staggering feet and reached for Chiyo's pigtails. "Come to momma you delectable little babies!" Chiyo looked around wildly trying to see what Yukari was reaching for. "Yes, hot wings, meet my mouth!!!" Yukari yelled as she sunk her teeth into Chiyo's unsuspecting pigtails.

"DEAR LORD ALMIGHTY!!!" yelled Yomi. Chiyo started to scream.

"GET HER OFF ME, GET HER OFF ME!!!!" As Chiyo ran around in circles Yukari continued to drool into her hair. Chiyo took a wild turn and Yukari flew off.

"You'll never escape me you scrumptious, hot sauce covered buffalo wings!" She said with a dazed look.

"Buffalo…wings…" said Osaka. So as Osaka contemplated flying buffalos the rest of the crew tried to stop Yukari's ravenous advances.

Three bitten hands, two slobbery pigtails, and one confused Osaka later

"To the car!" Yukari yelled and ran out the door.

"We're not seriously riding with her, are we?" asked Kagura.

"You don't have much of a choice," said Nyamo. "My car's in the shop and I can't drive Yukari's car because I'm not insured. I'll be happy to ride with you though…"

"Yes, please!!!" yelled Chiyo.

And so they all piled into Yukari's parent's car which had many dings and scrapes. Everyone hastily buckled their seatbelts and Yukari slid behind the driver's seat.

"Buckle up for safety!" snickered Yukari and everyone in the car paled considerably. "Pedal to the medal!" yelled Yukari.

T.B.C.

AN: Finally! I got a new chapter up! Hope you all don't hate me for taking so long! T.T (Tears streaming) Reviews really help, I promise. Plus, writing these chapters delays my studying for the ACTs Next chapter includes: Alcohol abuse, animal cruelty, and the apocalypse! Just kidding! Or am I?( insert evil laugh) Review and you'll find out!

Ja Ne!

Kawaii-Chibi-Kid


	9. The Drunken Driving Surprise

Chapter 9: The Drunken Driving Surprise

_Click, click, click, click._

Yukari's blinker had definitely experienced some neglect over the last couple of years…in fact this was the first time she had remembered using it when there wasn't a cop around. Everyone in the car sat and stared (except Chiyo who had her hands dutifully clasped over her eyes) in awe at the sight before them. Miss Yukari…using a turn-signal when pulling away from a curb? Impossible! But even as they sat in disbelief inside the cramped car, Miss Yukari carefully checked her side mirrors and slowly pulled away from the curb.

"This…this isn't possible!" exclaimed Yomi. "There's no way she could have improved this much at driving in the last couple of months!"

"Hmm…" Kurosawa thought, "It would appear that our "dear" Yukari is a better driver while intoxicated…"

"WHO YOU CALLIN' INTOXICATED, YOU DATELESS COW?!" yelled Yukari. "WHY I OUTTA PUNCH YOU IN THE EYE!"

"DATELESS COW?!" Kurosawa went to grab Yukari's cheeks and pinch the hell out of them when Chiyo screamed.

"DON'T TOUCH MISS YUKARI!" Everyone froze and stared at Chiyo-Chan. Chiyo gazed at them all with fresh tears flowing down her face. "For the first time in my life I feel safe in this car!" Kurosawa fumed and dropped her hands to her lap.

"Well, the second this, this," Kurosawa paused trying to think of a non-offensive term for our favorite drunk, "_woman_ is sober she's gonna be in some kind of trouble!" Osaka stared blankly at Kurosawa and then to Miss Yukari.

"I thought she was a badger now…"

As the group coasted smoothly through downtown Tokyo, everyone was breathing easy. Yukari held her hands steadily at 10 and 2 and even observed the most minute traffic laws.

"I can't believe this…this is amazing!" yelled Chiyo. "But how could all of those traffic safety commercials be wrong!?"

"I believe Yukari-Baby is what we'd called an 'exception to the norm.'" stated Tomo in her best know-it-all voice.

"And just what does that make you?" asked Kagura.

"Why, I am the epitome of the norm! People bow before my overwhelming averageness!" Tomo bellowed and laughed.

Yomi sighed. "Chiyo, do us all a favor and stop teaching Tomo words like 'epitome' and 'overwhelming' and teach her that 'averageness' isn't a word." Chiyo nodded.

"It IS too a word! Tell her, Chiyo!" yelled Tomo. Chiyo stared straight ahead and pretended she hadn't heard Tomo at all.

"And while you're at it, you should teach her what 'average' means because if she believes she is the 'epitome of averageness' then she's clearly delusional!" Kagura seethed. After twenty minutes of relative silence (Chiyo was enjoying the safe trip and Tomo was refusing to speak to anyone), they finally arrived in the heart of the city.

"So where do you guys want to go?" asked Kurosawa.

"The biggest grocery store there is!" exclaimed Chiyo, who by now was positively beaming with happiness at the safe journey. They quickly walked across the crosswalk to a store called SUPERMARKET INCORPORATED.

"WHOA! This place is huge!" yelled Tomo who had quickly forgotten her 'vow of silence against you fascists' (another word Chiyo taught her).

"We'll be sure to find the flour we need here." Murmured Sakaki, "Jariku…you will live again!" she stated cheerfully.

"So is this like where the naughty supermarkets go to get straightened out?" asked Osaka. Everyone stared at her with the most confused looks on their faces.

"Osaka…what are you talking about?" asked Chiyo.

"You know…like when you do something bad and you go to jail, you're 'incorporated'." Everyone sweat dropped except Yukari who was too busy making faces at small children and trying (unsuccessfully) to steal a newspaper out of a vending machine.

"Incarcerated. You mean incarcerated, Osaka," groaned Yomi. "Geez, how different is the dialect in Osaka City anyway?"

And with all (well, at least most) of the confusion cleared up, they all marched into the store. As soon as they entered they noticed the vast amount of variety that this store provided. There was everything from apples to Zebra Cakes (which Osaka thought was really zebra meat, which sent a very sick Sakaki hurrying to the bathroom).

"Goodness. Where do we start?" asked Chiyo. Sakaki, who had just returned and was trying to discreetly wipe her mouth on her sleeve, tapped Chiyo on the shoulder and pointing up to the giant BAKING SUPPLIES sign overhead. "Oh, right…" stammered Chiyo.

"Well, come on! Time's-a-wastin'," yelled Tomo, "it's time to make some babies!" At this, everyone in the general area gave them some very strange glances, while the men looked on somewhat enthusiastically.

"Ahh! She didn't mean it like that!" shouted Kurosawa, "She's talking about a school project!" Yukari gave a great, bellowing laugh (you know, the kind only drunk people can do) and started poking the blushing Kurosawa in the back.

"Oh, Nyamo! You know you enjoy the attention!" Yukari wheezed, "and remember, this is probably the only action you could get in the next couple of months!"

"Why you mooching ingrate!" yelled Kurosawa. While the girls' "role models" started clawing at each other in the produce section, Yomi sighed and pointed to the baking supplies section and all the girls nodded approvingly. After about twenty minutes of searching, they all found what they were looking for.

"Ah! The correct brand of flour!" exclaimed Chiyo. Everyone grabbed a bag and headed to the front of the store. They looked around slowly, wondering where they're "chaperones" were when suddenly there was an announcement over the PA system.

CLICK. BEEP. _ATTENTION ALL CUSTOMERS. SECURITY HAS APPREHENDED A WOMAN WHO REFUSES TO STATE HER NAME. WE HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE SHE WAS ACCOMPANIED TO THIS STORE AND WE ARE REQUESTING THAT HER COMPANION OR COMPANIONS PLEASE COME TO THE FRONT DESK. IF YOU HAVE LOST A BRUNETTE, MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN, CLAIMING TO BE A BADGER, PLEASE, REPORT TO THE FRONT DESK IMMEADIATELY. THANK YOU…_ _I'm NOT middle-aged! And what do you meaning CLAIMING to be a badger, huh? I'm THE muther-effing BADGER!!_ CLICK. BEEP.

Everyone sweat dropped.

"So…any chance it's not Yukari?" asked Kagura. Just then Nyamo went running past them to the front desk. She had multiple scratch marks on her arms and something that looked suspiciously like mustard smeared across her face.

"Blind me with condiments, will you?! Well, I've got you now!" Nyamo screamed as she dashed by.

"Well, Miss Kurosawa obviously believes it's her…" stated Yomi. Everyone sighed.

"Shall we go collect her then?" asked Tomo. But by now they could plainly see that Miss Kurosawa was also being taken into custody. Apparently mustard-smeared customers who try to attack intoxicated customers are not smiled upon at this security office. Everyone sighed again.

"Well, let's collect them both." murmured Sakaki.

AN: Hey guys...those of you who DON'T hate me by now...thanks for reading my newest chapter!

Updates for this story: I've got some very, VERY dedicated fans I suppose...I've gotten author alerts and favorite alerts periodically throughout the last 2 years of my inactivity...it's really amazing, guys!! THANK YOU!! ^_^ I hope I can continue writing this...I'll find a way some how!!

For my personal life update, I've graduated high school as valedictorian, (I told you I'd be busy with school!) moved 800 miles away for college last year, (Yay, Texas!!) I'm about to start my sophomore year of college, (I'm majoring in criminology) and I got married to my amazing high school sweet heart (and best friend!) two months ago! It's been a very busy, but blessed couple of years and if I could update through all of this, I'm hoping I can continue updating throughout this year!

Thank you again for all the support!! Ja Ne, everybody!!


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